The Phallical Vernacular

A compilation of sex-related terms and phrases that may or may not, but probably should, enter popular usage.

1. Flopper or Floppy n. - A penis in its natural state of rest, soft and warm, sometimes curled or twisted, totally unresponsive.


2. Chewy n. - A slightly stimulated, as if intrigued, penis that, to the touch of lips, or, god forbid, teeth, is conducive to chewing, reflexive and responsive in maintaining its overall shape.
   
   slang n. - An exceptionally hairy penis; a wookie.


3. Bubble Cum n. - The proper name for flavorful juices spit from a recently transformed chewy, a flaccid penis worked, gummed, licked, and slobbed so ferociously it hardened rapidly.
   
   Bubble Cumming v. - The art of ejaculating a chewy just gnawed and nibbled from flaccidity to firmness; to bu(r)st with flavorful juices.


4. Semi n. - A penis in the state between chewy and erection, able to be waved up and down by muscular contraction, but neither fully hardened nor ready to ejaculate; using hands, the penile shape may still be manipulated, though upon release it immediately reassumes a stiff position, similar to a Burger King Chicken Finger; a source of great entertainment.


5. "Diamond in the muff" n. - The common cry of male celebrities and professional athletes, more often than not rappers and NBA players, when they lose expensive jewelry, mostly earrings, though in heavily furred forests pendants and entire chains have been rumored to disappear, while eating unshaven pussy; proper usages include, "Shit, son, not another muhfuckin' diamond in tha muff," or, "Ohhh, Hell no, man, another diamond in the muff."


6. Ground Meat n. - a. An uncommonly elongated penis that stretches toward, perhaps dangling close to, the ground; b. What John Wayne Bobbit is glad his penis didn't become.


7. "Letting off some cream" v. - Raining viril viscosity; releasing vehicles of vitality; relieving sexual tension.


8. "Puffy the Campfire Slayer" n. - A penis so swollen with excitement its imminent explosion could conceivably douse fires; a penis with Peter North-esque potential.


9. The or An "Anne Frank" n. - A penis hidden away, sometimes from cold, more often shrinking in fear from an unwanted hands-in-pants intruder; a penis actively avoiding capture by any of various offered orifices.
   
   slang n. - A crude name for the hidden penis of a Jewish gender bender, as screamed upon discovery, "Oh my fucking GOD, it's got an Anne Frank."


10. Wooly Mammaries n. - Furry, if not outright hairy, boobs; a sure sign a man's picked up either a sex-changed prostitute or freakshow specimen.