Hey man, flex your Triceratops
Because I’m due to flounder in idle insignificance after my immanent graduation, some people will see this as a desperate ploy to find employment. But there’s no other way to say it: I’m a prophet. As such, my visionary gifts would be highly useful for the government or various intelligence agencies.
My graphic, unrestrained full-sensory foresight has always been a pleasurable companion. For years I’ve been envisioning consensual fondling and kissing between lascivious ladies – beautiful, freaky, and all appropriately aged (18+), of course. Recently, however, with terrorism in vogue, my mind flashed to the next frontier of bioterrorism.
The image seared itself into my brain. A dark, dank, 4-walled room that made the cruelest dungeon seem luxurious. The floors – of carpet, wood, or linoleum, it is uncertain – were covered in black, chunky sewage and plant growth atypical of an indoor living environment. A massive, fleshy deposit lay, prone, in the middle of the swampy ecosystem, partially submerged in the thick, opaque liquid. A naked, comically bloated stomach protruded from the filth, a mountain; the barely emerging plots of thigh to the south, islands; a face, far to the north, an abandoned weapons testing site. Festering sores adorned the every inch of visible flesh, some infections oozing, others staunched by the delicate crystalline flakes and globules of scabbing pus.
Scores of tubes from a setup of regularly beeping and whirring machinery fed intravenous streams into the unconscious heap on the floor. Suddenly I became aware of an unrelenting hum and noticed the peculiar black freckles moving across the exposed flesh of the ravaged Buddah.
The next level of bioterrorism will involve feeding diseased individuals to swarms of mosquitoes, raising mosquitoes in a favorable, contained environment where blood diseased with the few deadly viruses transferable between humans and mosquitoes is the only available food source. Once infected, the mosquitoes will be released into the open environment. What a passive and genius approach to slow, painful death. Would such an undertaking even be illegal? Here’s a chance to be proactive and enact legislation in anticipation. Don’t say we weren’t warned.
My graphic, unrestrained full-sensory foresight has always been a pleasurable companion. For years I’ve been envisioning consensual fondling and kissing between lascivious ladies – beautiful, freaky, and all appropriately aged (18+), of course. Recently, however, with terrorism in vogue, my mind flashed to the next frontier of bioterrorism.
The image seared itself into my brain. A dark, dank, 4-walled room that made the cruelest dungeon seem luxurious. The floors – of carpet, wood, or linoleum, it is uncertain – were covered in black, chunky sewage and plant growth atypical of an indoor living environment. A massive, fleshy deposit lay, prone, in the middle of the swampy ecosystem, partially submerged in the thick, opaque liquid. A naked, comically bloated stomach protruded from the filth, a mountain; the barely emerging plots of thigh to the south, islands; a face, far to the north, an abandoned weapons testing site. Festering sores adorned the every inch of visible flesh, some infections oozing, others staunched by the delicate crystalline flakes and globules of scabbing pus.
Scores of tubes from a setup of regularly beeping and whirring machinery fed intravenous streams into the unconscious heap on the floor. Suddenly I became aware of an unrelenting hum and noticed the peculiar black freckles moving across the exposed flesh of the ravaged Buddah.
The next level of bioterrorism will involve feeding diseased individuals to swarms of mosquitoes, raising mosquitoes in a favorable, contained environment where blood diseased with the few deadly viruses transferable between humans and mosquitoes is the only available food source. Once infected, the mosquitoes will be released into the open environment. What a passive and genius approach to slow, painful death. Would such an undertaking even be illegal? Here’s a chance to be proactive and enact legislation in anticipation. Don’t say we weren’t warned.
posted by Mr. Pibba at 1:16 PM
1 Comments:
YESSSS. once again, the dumpster has exceeded my expectations. a fresh perspective on life that is simultaneously idiotic and brilliant, bridged by the funniest ideas and laced with just enough social commentary. the booger bunch would be proud. ill be dancin in the dumpster for sure.
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