Conspiracy Theory: Triple 6's quest to rule the world
First off, I love the Three 6 Mafia. It goes against my better sense, any sense of citizenship and morality I can muster, but when I detach myself into their cruel world of pleasure it soothes. I saw them in concert a few weeks ago and it was the best of the few hip-hop shows I’ve seen. They kept the crowd crunk and exuded the energy of the rowdiest punkers I’ve ever seen. Three 6 knew how to play the crowd, and their distinct brand of inebriated insanity is something of a curiosity to all. I didn’t know such brain damage was possible without PCP, though I wouldn’t put that past them, either.
In simple terms, I’m convinced every member of the Three 6 Mafia is crazy. Straight fuckin’ loony. Have you ever listened to their lyrics? Sure, you laugh, but doesn’t their total disregard for structured society scare you a bit? Hip-hop is a genre that allows artists limitless latitude to create platinum personas, but Three 6 Mafia convince where others are obvious absurd imposters. Over the course of 15 years, thousands of songs spanning countless mixtapes and official releases, Triple 6 haven’t strayed from the lyrical path of pure anarchic chaos. The Three 6 Mafia routine, if their songs are an accurate indication, is wake up, snort an 8ball and smoke a blunt, kill somebody while smoking and snorting – to sanitize on the sentence level I’ve edited this out, but mentally insert “while drinking and smoking” after every forthcoming activity – count millions in cash, sip some syrup, start a riot, an afternoon orgy, drive-by at dusk, shoot somebody in the club, make a song about it all, release an album chronicling the best 12-14 days that year. Three 6 have enough songs about such specific topics as instigating club violence and riots, killing people in drive-bys, counting stacks of cash, smokin’ weed, ridin’ rims, and sippin’ sizzurp to put out a greatest hits disc for each.
Maniacs.
Still not convinced? How many musicians have the temerity, are irresponsible enough, to write more than one song about starting riots and bringing violence into packed-house clubs – especially after having a song (“Tear Da Club Up ‘97”) banned because it actually compelled clubbers to riot? It’s the anti-punk rock sentiment: instead of encouraging brotherhood and citizenship in the moshpit, Triple 6 wants you to say “fuck that shit” and stomp a mothufucka out.
Are Three 6 Mafia the Manson’s of music? Maybe. Their music is a paralyzing hypnotic transmitted from the dark side ("Where's Da Bud;" "Where Da Killaz Hang;" "Rainbow Colors;" etc.). And they certainly want the world to crumble, churning out riot anthems and worse despite many fans’ obvious inability to distinguish between entertaining song lyrics and dictates of God. Imagine what might happen if Three 6 used their power to fight world hunger or influence elections. Conversely, how far off is World War 3-6?
Really though, what excuse do fans have for unquestioningly obeying the cracked out commands of musicians? As much as I love Three 6 Mafia, as much as their music can get my adrenaline pumping and stimulate hedonistic cravings, I can't imagine feeling uncontrollably compelled to act on the words of Crunchy Black, Project Pat, Juicy J, or Lord Infamous. Hell, I'm as likely to go on a murderous rampage because the whistling from my juicebox when I squeeze it tells me to, or as instructed by Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Watching Three 6 Mafia live was unforgettable, but no matter the number of Evil Eye Kiwi Strawberry 10%ABV beverages I chugged, I never felt an iota of urgency to act on their lyrical directives. Thoughts of prison and permanent retardation were deterrent enough for me, but I might be in the minority. For all the arguably unintentional life lessons hidden within Three 6 Mafia’s underappreciated profundity, they are lost on most.
In simple terms, I’m convinced every member of the Three 6 Mafia is crazy. Straight fuckin’ loony. Have you ever listened to their lyrics? Sure, you laugh, but doesn’t their total disregard for structured society scare you a bit? Hip-hop is a genre that allows artists limitless latitude to create platinum personas, but Three 6 Mafia convince where others are obvious absurd imposters. Over the course of 15 years, thousands of songs spanning countless mixtapes and official releases, Triple 6 haven’t strayed from the lyrical path of pure anarchic chaos. The Three 6 Mafia routine, if their songs are an accurate indication, is wake up, snort an 8ball and smoke a blunt, kill somebody while smoking and snorting – to sanitize on the sentence level I’ve edited this out, but mentally insert “while drinking and smoking” after every forthcoming activity – count millions in cash, sip some syrup, start a riot, an afternoon orgy, drive-by at dusk, shoot somebody in the club, make a song about it all, release an album chronicling the best 12-14 days that year. Three 6 have enough songs about such specific topics as instigating club violence and riots, killing people in drive-bys, counting stacks of cash, smokin’ weed, ridin’ rims, and sippin’ sizzurp to put out a greatest hits disc for each.
Maniacs.
Still not convinced? How many musicians have the temerity, are irresponsible enough, to write more than one song about starting riots and bringing violence into packed-house clubs – especially after having a song (“Tear Da Club Up ‘97”) banned because it actually compelled clubbers to riot? It’s the anti-punk rock sentiment: instead of encouraging brotherhood and citizenship in the moshpit, Triple 6 wants you to say “fuck that shit” and stomp a mothufucka out.
Are Three 6 Mafia the Manson’s of music? Maybe. Their music is a paralyzing hypnotic transmitted from the dark side ("Where's Da Bud;" "Where Da Killaz Hang;" "Rainbow Colors;" etc.). And they certainly want the world to crumble, churning out riot anthems and worse despite many fans’ obvious inability to distinguish between entertaining song lyrics and dictates of God. Imagine what might happen if Three 6 used their power to fight world hunger or influence elections. Conversely, how far off is World War 3-6?
Really though, what excuse do fans have for unquestioningly obeying the cracked out commands of musicians? As much as I love Three 6 Mafia, as much as their music can get my adrenaline pumping and stimulate hedonistic cravings, I can't imagine feeling uncontrollably compelled to act on the words of Crunchy Black, Project Pat, Juicy J, or Lord Infamous. Hell, I'm as likely to go on a murderous rampage because the whistling from my juicebox when I squeeze it tells me to, or as instructed by Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Watching Three 6 Mafia live was unforgettable, but no matter the number of Evil Eye Kiwi Strawberry 10%ABV beverages I chugged, I never felt an iota of urgency to act on their lyrical directives. Thoughts of prison and permanent retardation were deterrent enough for me, but I might be in the minority. For all the arguably unintentional life lessons hidden within Three 6 Mafia’s underappreciated profundity, they are lost on most.
posted by Mr. Pibba at 1:18 PM
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